When we look at our work/family life, it is often valuable to pay attention to those elements that we find ourselves avoiding and become curious about why.
Avoidant behavior is interesting because it can tell us a lot about our unconscious desires.
1. Is this something that I have been asked to do and do not want to do?
2. Is this something that I am afraid to do?
Either way, experience teaches us that avoidance never resolves the problem and more often than not, it can create more problems in the long run.
What to do?
First we have to become aware of it. If I am avoiding something because I said “yes” when I meant to say “no” because I felt like I had to please someone, then I have to own my responsibility for this choice. I can either go back and say “no,” relieving me of the burden of doing something I do not want to do, or I can just accept that I put myself in that position and recognize that I don’t want to do that in the future. (I talked about this in a different post.)
The second one is more complicated and perhaps more important. Why am I afraid? What exactly am I afraid about it? There might be a number of feelings surrounding this action, but the important thing is that I can’t do anything about it if I am not aware.
Anything that I avoid because of fear will put me in a position to act passively, which will almost always come back to hurt me and my relationships.
We have to be more brave in this life. If we want to be leaders in our communication skills, if we want to have more authentic connections, then we will need to be more aware of our avoidance tendencies and our unconscious actions.
Face those things that we avoid, deal with what is really going on, and we will become more effective leaders and communicators.